| Chapter 4 THE GREAT EXPERIENCES Ten years of uniterrupted Bliss |
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1. VORWORT 2. EINFÜHRUNG 3. MEINE
JUGEND 4. AN
JENER SEITE 6. DUNKLE
NACHT DER SEELE ("Talpredigt") Der Abstieg Die Tiefe Die Rückkehr 8. MEIN LEBENSMYTHOS Zurückblickend Mitgefühl Erneuerung 9. HEALING THE PLANET 10. DIE
GROßE MUTTER 11. KEHR UM 12. EPILOG
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The Prophecy Believe it or not. It all started with a wise old man, who came to Han Marie's consultation hour. Instead of asking help, he said he came to tell the latter an important message. In short, what he said was nothing less, than that the latter's life would fulfil the centuries' old Parcival prophecy, leaving Han Marie behind in total disbelief*. * Only Dezennien later than it looked back, overview had, it of some similarities was thus surprised again and again. Finally it recognized that the Gral - when successors of the eastern vegetation myths - which is most important guidance motive for the history of the development of the evening country at all. * Critical readers will suspect, that above mentioned believes to be a "re-incarnation of Parcival". We can reassure you, that this never has come to his mind. In fact, his insights about "re-incarnation" are different, emphasizing Emptiness containing many forms....and not just one. ---------------------------------------- Glaube es oder nicht. Es fing alles (1973) an mit einem alten weisen Mann, der in Han Marie's Sprechstunde kam. Statt um Hilfe zu beten, sagte er daß er gekommen war um ihm eine wichtige Botschaft zu übermitteln. Kurzum, was er sagte war nichts weniger, als daß das Leben des Letzten den jahrhunderten alten Parzivalverheißung erfüllen würde. Worauf Han Marie in totaler Unglaube bzw Ablehnung reagierte.* * Erst Dezennien später als er zurückblickte, also Übersicht hatte, wurde er von manchen Ähnlichkeiten immer wieder überrascht. Letztendlich erkannte er daß der Gral - als Nachfolger der orientalischen Vegetationsmythen - das wichtigste Leitmotiv für die Entwicklungsgeschichte des Abendlandes überhaupt ist. * Kritische Leser werden vermuten, daß obengenannter glaubt eine "Reinkarnation von Parzival" zu sein. Das ist aber nicht der Fall. Seine Einsichten über "Reinkarnation" sind ganz anders, z.B. daß die Leere - die man ist - alles beinhaltet. Fixierung auf nur eine Form ist die Folge von Ignoranz. A dream In the beginning I had a dream. It was the dream that made a very deep impression on me. I was driving in the car somewhere in the countryside. At the first crossing it was actually quite clear to me in which direction I should proceed. A voice inside of me, however, said: "come on, there is no rush, you can still go that way, why not take a right turn?" I was weak and gave in. After some time the same situation occurred. Once again there was the deep sense of which way to go and again I simply brushed it aside. In the end I had lost all sense of the right direction. At that instant I happened to enter the market place of a small town. It was medieval with cobblestone streets and gabled house fronts surrounding it. The market place formed a tight circle with not a single street leading on to it. There was no way out. A feeling of constraint and being hemmed in came over me and I went in search of an exit. On my far left I soon discovered a dark concave shape which, on closer look, turned out to be a dark tunnel. On the right side of the entrance stood a man dressed like a jester with a fool’s cap on his head and a cane in his hand. In spite of a feeling of uneasiness I carefully drove past him and entered the tunnel. It was gloomy and dark in there with just enough light to see where I was going. A shape suddenly loomed up on the left and I slowed down so as to see who it was and avoid driving into it. It was a woman passing my car from the opposite side, which she just managed to do because of the little space available between herself and my car. The last glimpse of her told me that she was pregnant.As I drove on, a pinpoint of light became visible in the distance, which grew larger and larger as I approached. A profound feeling of relief came over me coupled with a deep sense of joy. All tension now left me. I knew without a doubt that I would arrive at this light. It was not long before a gate of dear light came into view. I was filled with intense joy. A moment later I passed through the arch and entered a golden field of waving cereal, which seemed to be limitless. Above it, as the source of all the light and gold, shone a brilliant sun. The wealth that met my eyes was indescribable. It was a state of unbelievable beauty, surprise, enchantment and joy. Even more so, because I sensed myself a part of it all. It was as if I, too, had changed into light and gold. I had reached my homeland. * Retrospectively exactly my life again-reflected this dream. ------------------------------------------------- Ich erinnere mich an einen Traum. Einer von den wenigen Träumen die mich wirklich beeindruckt haben. Ich sass in einem Auto, draussen, irgendwo auf dem Land. Bei der ersten Kreuzung wusste ich eigentlich direkt in welche Richtung ich abbiegen sollte. Eine Stimme in mir sagte jedoch, ach, das brauchst du ja nicht gleich zu tun, in die Richtung kannst du ja immer noch fahren, warum nicht einfach rechts ab? Ich war schwach und gab nach. Nach einiger Zeit gelangte ich widerum in die gleiche Situation. Wieder war da das innere Wissen von der richtigen Richtung, und wieder ging ich dran vorbei. Bis ich zum Schluss mein Gefühl für die genaue Richtung verloren hatte. In dem Moment fuhr ich gerade auf einen Marktplatz in einem Städtchen. So richtig mittelalterlich mit Kopfsteinpflaster am Boden und rundum Giebelhäuschen. Der Marktplatz war ein geschlossener Kreis, kein einziger Weg führte hinein oder hinaus. Es bekroch mich ein Gefühl von eingeschlossen und eingeklemmt sein. Ich ging auf die Suche nach einem Ausgang. Schon bald bemerkte ich links hinten in der Ecke einen dunklen Bogen, der nach einigem nähern ein Eingang zu einem dunklen Tunnel zu sein schien. Rechts vor dem Eingang stand ein Mann im Narrenkostüm, mit einer Mütze mit Klingelglöckchen auf seinem Kopf und einem Stock in seiner Hand. Trotz des unbehaglichen Gefühls fuhr ich vorsichtig an ihm vorbei in den Tunnel hinein. Es war sehr dunkel dort, gerade noch genug Sicht um fahren zu können. Plötzlich sah ich eine Gestalt links vor meinem Auto auftauchen. Ich fuhr etwas langsamer um besser sehen zu können und um kein Unglück zu verursachen. Es war eine Frau, die aus entgegengesetzter Richtung entlang meines Autos lief; das ging gerade noch, denn es war ziemlich eng. Im letzten Augenblick sah ich dass sie schwanger war. Während ich weiterfuhr, wurde weit vor mir ein Lichtpünktchen sichtbar, ein Fleckchen dass langsam aber sicher immer grösser wurde. Eine grosse Erleichterung bemächtigte sich meiner, Erleichterung und Freude. Alle Spannung fiel von mir herab. Ich war mir sicher dass ich in dem Licht ankommen würde. Nach kurzer Zeit war es dann auch soweit. Ein Tor aus hellem Licht tauchte vor mir auf. Ungestüme Freude erfüllte mich. Noch eben und sieh da, nachdem ich unter dem Bogen hindurch war kam ich in ein goldgelbes Feld mit wiegendem Korn, soweit das Auge reichte. Mit der strahlend leuchtenden Sonne darüber als Brunnen von al dem Licht und Gold. Der Reichtum dieses Blickes ist mit keiner Feder zu beschreiben. Es war ein Moment von unglaublich purer Schönheit, Verwunderung, Entzücken und Freude. Um so mehr, weil ich mich darin aufgenommen fühlte. Es war mir alsob auch ich in Licht und Gold verändert war. Es war mein Zuhause*. * Rückblickend wiederspiegelte diesen Traum genau mein Leben. Vision of the Grail
Vision of the Grail: the trinity
of Enlightenment, 1. That afternoon there was a very special atmosphere. It was as if the air around me was filled with some rare energy. I lay on my bed and felt very relaxed. 2. Suddenly the room became very transparent. Everything changed into a very unusual clarity. Then, with my eyes open, a visionlike phenomenon appeared right in front of me. First I could not see what it was, but immediately after I saw some dots radiating light. As the light became more and more intense, the dots began to look symmetrical. I saw them change into a form. They became bigger. Suddenly I saw what it was: little golden flowers with minute red drops in their hearts. The flowers radiated beautiful light around them. Then I recognized them as St. John's Wort. 3. I had never seen such a radiating splendour before. It stayed there for a short while, then it started changing. The green twigs and leaves started changing into gold. The twigs reshaped themselves into semicircles with their opening to the sky. The red drops fused into each other and became bigger. In the meantime, the intensity of the gold as well as the radiance of the light had grown accordingly. How extremely beautiful this was. Suddenly I saw: the object was a Tree of Life, a Jewish Menorha. There were the seven arms, each with a red flame at the top. I was deeply fascinated, awfully impressed by the clarity of the vision. 4. Even then the change did not stop. It went on and on at a slow pace. I was able to follow it easily. After the Tree of Life reached its fullest expression, the arms became thicker and thicker. They grew towards each other. First they touched, then they fused. All space between the arms was filled with incredibly beautiful gold, radiating light in all directions. The energy was extremely powerful. 5. To begin with I did not recognize what it was but shortly after it looked like a golden cup. Yes, it was a golden Chalice radiating fascinating light all around. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life before, such a perfect shape, such blissful radiance. This was not a normal experience. Its nature was definitely transcendental. Then, very slowly the Chalice started bending towards the right and I was able to look into it a little. I knew: this was the climax. Something very special was going to happen. Suddenly I saw. The Chalice was filled with a red fluid...blood! It was blood! Blood came up out of the Chalice's depth and started dripping over its edge. As the Chalice continued to bend over its side, more and more blood poured out of it. It became a stream, yes a river of blood flowing abundantly and without cessation. The Chalice appeared to be an Inexhaustible Source. 6. As I realized this, I was filled with deepest emotion and gratitude. An ecstatic joy overwhelmed me. And as that happened, the vision slowly diminished until finally it disappeared. 7. After some time the true nature of this event became dear to me. A centuries’ long mystic quest had been revealed to me. The culmination of so much effort, speculation, deception and greed had been brought back to Its Original Purity. Yes, this was The Holy Grail. However, for me it was not the end, but the beginning of my spiritual journey. The meaning became clear to me only much later. The vision contained a message to the world. St.John’s Worth symbolizes "awakening"; the Menorha that of "the (Jewish) Law, symbolizing the necessity of personal integration and the Chalice that of selflessness. These aspects are part of a "trinity", they are related to each other. There is no awakening without personal integration, and no personal integration without selflessness. It is a powerful message in a time, where "awakening" and "personal growth" are self-serving goals. Hence, the Vision being the beginning of a new era. It is laying the foundation of new values, a new morality and a new community. The Grail is the Vessel symbolizing the
Great Mother * The Grail is representing the womb transformed into universal Womb Consciousness, as expressed in various traditions, f.i. as Cosmic Womb, Great Mother, Vessel, Chalice, Ark, Stone, Ka'aba, Laying Moon, Yantra, Yoni, Lotus, Circle, Yüanbao, Maria, Maria Magdalena in fact...the natural womb with its menstruation, thus every woman. 9. Wolfram von Eschenbach describes the process, through which restoring of Wholeness has to be achieved. This Path is open to all those, who still possess the "original innocence" (in Essence all of us). In the legend, Parcival turns his back to his mother.....who soon dies from grief. As a young lad he has only one goal in mind: to become a famous knight. The countless adventures lead him to growing self-understanding and growth. At crucial moments, it is always through ladies that he gains the right insights. It both means, that the "Eternal Feminine" is always there (often hidden because of being suppressed) to guide men on their path toward Wholeness, simultaneously symbolizing the "anima" (feeling) aspect of the male personality. At a certain moment Parcival is granted to visit the Grail Castle, where (again) Ladies show him the holy Grail. Obsessed by what he sees, he forgot to ask about the health of the Fisher-King, indicating that his compassion - the core quality of Enlightenment - is still absent cq immature. He has to bear the consequences and is literally thrown out of the Castle, facing even tougher years of self-confrontation. 10. The one who destroyed paradise is the one who has the obligation to repair it. Hence, it is the holy duty of men to "Restore the Wholeness of Life". It underlines the actuality of the Grail legend. It is the men who have to acknowledge the "Lady" as the sovereign of the land, while becoming Her servant. He has to give up his self-centeredness (ego) e.g. his greed for money and power. Rather than serving corporate interests, he has to repent, acknowledging his (self)destructive behaviour*. Only though deep grief with regard to his crimes, a turning point can be brought about. Parcival (as one of the most outspoken representatives of the Tradition of the Green Man**) is a great example in this regard. After much suffering he finally returns to the court of King Arthur, expecting to be honoured for his efforts. However, even then, he is confronted for his (last) shortcomings. An ugly Lady ("Kundrie", destructive aspect of the Great Mother) on a donkey, shouts at him, despises him and humiliates him in front of a big audience. She reproaches him of still not possessing the right attitude toward the suffering of the world. After this last teaching he was allowed to again enter the Grail Castle. This time, while seeing the Grail again, he doesn't forget to ask after the health of the wounded Fisher-King (symbolizing the ego cut off from the Source). Immediately, the palace rejoices and the wasteland is turned into the abundance it once was.* Incuding all those women, who also have identified themselves with the patriarchal ego, self-indulgence and consumerism. ** See: "HisStory" and "The Green Man". 11. Last but not least. The Grail legend became the source of a new interpretation to the Jesus story. It were the Knights Templar who - heavily influenced by what they learned in the Holy Land - adopted a new version of the "bloodline". It is centered around the archaic myth of the MotherGoddess with Her Vegetation God. The latter dying every autumn in order to be reborn in spring, thus "securing the fertility of the new season". The Templars connected Christianity to the old tradition, giving a totally new meaning to the former. Links to all kinds of suppressed (gnostic) information were made. Simon Magus - the "prototype of the heretics" - played a crucial role here. He stated that the Mother was the Ultimate Reality, while the Father being Her Son.....This was the Achillus-heel of the young church, hence the latter doing all it could to crush Simon. This wasn't all, though. "Persistant rumors" emphasized the role of Mary Magdalene, as being the first disciple of Jesus. Nowadays, countless publications have shed their light on her position. Still, they have not gone far enough. The Truth is, that she was a priestess of the old Canaanite Mother Religion, looking for a suitable candidate for the role of a Sacrificing God. It explains why Jesus was anointed by her, something that had been the tradition for several thousands of years. Obviously, in his teaching he couldn't directly talk about the Mother (although some gnostic texts suggest it). Instead he displayed an extremely women-friendly attitude. 12. Nowadays "everybody" believes that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. Rightly so. After his crucifixion, which has some indications, that it was a symbolic rather than a concrete act, serving the purpose of "fulfilling the prophesy", e.g. proving that he - Jesus - was the Messiah, the King of Juda in the lineage of David...Mary Magdalene, together with her children, among which two sons - all children of Jesus - fled to Marseille. Because the older son - Jesus Justus - did not marry, the family line was thus continued by his younger brother Joseph (meaning the "crown prince"). He was called the first Grail Child, meaning the fruit - "blood" - of the womb - vessel or "grail" - of the Magdalene. To cut the story short, the descendents of Joseph affiliated themselves to the aristocracy of the Franks, which was the beginning of the Merovingian dynasty, having its highlights with Clovis and ending with the betrayal of the Church, through which Dagobert II - the last successful king - was murdered, in favor of his servant Pepin the Fat. The Church having itself identified with the teaching of Paul, together with all the imperial aspirations connected to it, felt increasingly threatened by the Jesus dynasty, hence its effort of making an end to it. However, at that time the family as such was not destroyed. Its (aristocratic) descendents popped up in all kinds of people, liaisons and situations. For instance, the famous Godefroi of Bouillon, King of Jerusalem is said to be related to the original clan. Which clues us about the connection of the Grail and the Knights Templar, the latter being the guardians of the former. In short, according to these historic interpretations, the Grail is symbolizing nothing less than the dynastic genealogy of the Jesus family.** M.Baigent, R.Leigh, H.Lincoln "The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail", 1982 J.Cape 13. In the mean time the Sermes was struggling with the new information. On the one hand, it was time for him to acknowledge e.g. face all the consequences resulting from his revelation, while rejecting any form of speculation on the other. A considerable amount of the latter he found with those contemporary writings, in which certain families - usually related to the current European aristocracy - claim to be descendents of the Jesus dynasty. However, as repeatedly stated in the same sources, the whereabouts of that dynasty have become totally obscured and were lost during the centuries. Thus the genealogies produced are a product of wishful thinking, serving only existing interests, trying to regain power and influence though reviving the legend of the Grail. To the Sermes two things were decisive. First, the fact, that the original lineage of the Grail not only including a "bloodline", but also the transmission of spiritual wisdom. This knowledge had been passed directly from Jesus to Mary Magdalene; the other way around may be even more likely (see above), since Jesus was anointed by her (a high priestess of the Mother cult) and not vice-versa. Hence, Maria Magdalene being called "the apostle of apostles", "the one who knew the All" and the one "who transmitted the true secret of Jesus".14. This spiritual lineage soon ceased to exist, since its descendents became entirely worldly oriented. The "drying out of the lineage" was thus twofold: physically ("the bloodline") and spiritually. Thus, since the bloodline has died out, the "second coming" could only be spiritual. Which can only be claimed by someone, who is a suitable candidate, e.g. who is spiritually fully Realized. Conclusion: the Grail, after its retreat in its hidden spiritual realm - only "waiting for the right time and circumstance" - has indeed revealed itself once again. It has chosen the Sermes - typically an "outsider" according to the Parcival legend - as the initiator of a new Grail family. Feverishly he tried to find all kind of excuses for not facing the consequences of this latest insight. Only to discover, that - both through the authenticity of the Vision, completed by all kinds of additional symbolic relationships - that the legitimacy of his revelation was real. The "bloodline" thus being definitively and exclusively replaced by spiritual lineage. For the Sermes everything fell into place. The context of his mission being the Great Mother, together with Her Law of the Universe, with specific responsibility to further spreading of the Grail - as Her Message to the world - while taking care of a new spiritual lineage e.g. nobility. -------------------------------------------- 1. The mythological backgrounds of the Grail can be traced back to the time of the Great Mother. In fact the Grail symbolizes the cosmic Womb, the Vessel out of which life is flowing and to which it is returning. This notion possibly first materialized in India. Before having been spiritually transcended, the Vessel simply represented the physical womb. Therefore, in India a temple can be found, in which a natural womb together with a continuous flow of blood is being venerated*. We may assume, that the image of the Womb has then travelled to the West. For instance, halfway, in Persia, the castle of Takt-i-Takdis is said to have contained the Grail. Once spread in the Middle East, the legend became interwoven with the existing myths of the mystery religions. Expressions like "Womb of Astarte" for the Holy of Holiest of the Jewish Temple during the time of Solomon, speaks volumes. During the crusades the Knights Templar brought this wisdom under great secrecy - in Christian disguise, because Mother-related worship was strictly forbidden by the Church - to their home countries. In the Celtic regions the cauldron of the goddess Cerridwin - totally independent from eastern influence - had been a symbol of the Great Mother as well. It was the object of druidic worship for many centuries. Not surprisingly thus, that the two traditions fused into one. It was to become the fertile soil in which the Grail story would germinate. * The menstruating yoni of the goddess Kamakhya at Gauhati in Assam. 2. The Quest for the Grail has to be understood* as a proces of individuation, in which the ego has to seperate from its Source in order to eventually returning to it. The journey itself serves the integration of personality. As a young boy Parcival (ego) is leaving his mother in order to become succesful in the world. Through endless adventures - strengthening his ego on one hand, integrating his shadow on the other - he eventually arrives at the Grail Castle. This castle belongs to the "fisher king", an old sick and wounded man. Because of his illness the kingdom is an infertile wasteland. This symbolizes the situation in which the ego - greedy for power and control - has become alienated from its (lifegiving) Source**. This Source is available, only the king is unable to make contact with it. This is illustrated by the fact, that the Grail is kept in the castle all the time. Only somebody from "outside" - a "fool" (somebody who still is in contact with his/her true Self) - is able to heal the king. However, Parcival is so totally fascinated at the sight of the Grail, that it doesn't occur to him to ask the king "what is ailing him". With the result, that the other day he is thrown out of the castle. * J.Shinoda Bolen "Crossing to Avalon", 1994 HarperSanFrancisco ** According to matriarchal myths it is a sign of a king (in matriarchy a king is only seasonal, symbolizing the coming and going of the vegetation) refusing to die, not willing to give way to his successor. 3. It will take him another five years "in the forest" (symbolizing the "dark night of the soul") before being able to return to the Grail Castle. This time, having learnt his lesson, he doesn't forget the crucial question. Once the connection is restored - of the paralyzed ego with its Source - the king is healed, together with his kingdom. The Grail, symbolizing the lifegiving Cosmic Womb, is sharing its abundance, making the land blossoming and green once again. The story makes clear, that Enlightenment alone is infertile. Only if it is integrated with compassionate insight, things will be healed. The combination of personal integration, Enlightenment and compassion as three aspects of the same process, is unique in the world*. No other tradition is emphasizing them the way the Grail legend does. After having disappeared, its full glory has returned through the Vision of the Grail, revealed to Han Marie Stiekema. One proof - among others - for its authenticity is exactly the unity, described above. Nowadays we as well as society as a whole are all "fisher kings". Our existential suffering is precisely the disease the fisher king of the legend was suffering from. Obscessed by our ego and thus alienated from Heaven, earth and the community we are "thrown upon ourselves", desperately looking for wholeness. However, most "solutions" offered are partial at best. Only by acknowledging the Great Mother as the Ultimate Reality - the life giving and taking Womb of the universe - and realizing that becoming aware, integration - both personal and with our environment - and selflessness are three indispensable aspects of the same process, we will find the harmony we are longing for. ------------------------------------- Ich bekam eine Vision. Es war an einem Nachmittag, und es kam in grosser Helligkeit. Kurz zuvor bekam ich das Gefühl dass die Atmosphäre irgendwie besonders war. Ich spürte eine bestimmte Spannung in und um mich herum. Plötzlich, bei geöffneten Augen, erschien in dieser Helligkeit, auf einiger Entfernung, ein Bild vor mir. Ich konnte nicht direkt sehen was es war. Erst sah ich einige strahlende Lichtpünktchen. Sie waren symmetrisch hinsichtlich von einander. Es schienen goldgefärbte Blümchen mit roten Tüpfelchen im Herzen. Blümchen mit rundherum Lichtstrahlung. Auf einmal erkannte ich sie; es war Johanniskraut. So eine strahlende Blumenpracht hatte ich nie zuvor gesehen. Eben blieb es so, dann fing es an zu verändern. Die grünen Stengelchen und die Zweigchen wurden langsam auch goldgelb und die Zweigchen bekamen ausserdem eine Form von nach oben gerichtete Halbkreise. Die roten Tüpfelchen in jedem Herzchen schlossen sich zusammen. Die goldgelbe Farbe und die Ausstrahlung waren inzwischen viel stärker geworden. Die Form fing an einem Lebensbaum (Menorha, Jüdischer Leucher) zu gleichen. An der Spitze von jedem der sieben Arme war ein rotes Flämmchen. Fasziniert schaute ich und schaute ich, tief beeindruckt von der Klarheit der Bilder. Die Bewegungen hielten übrigens an. Fortwährend sah ich das alles überall veränderte, in langsamen Tempo, und zwar so dass ich es leicht verfolgen konnte. Nachdem sich der Leuchter vollständig entwickelt hatte, fingen die Arme an dicker zu werden und auf einander zu zuwachsen. Sie berührten einander und zerflossen nachdem. Die Intensität des Goldes, die Tiefe der Farben und die Ausstrahlung des Lichtes nahmen unterdessen weiterhin zu. Bis die Arme total in einander übergegangen waren. Ich erkannte es nicht direkt. Es schien ein goldener Becher zu sein, ja, ein Kelch war es. Ein goldener Kelch mit einer unglaublichen Lichtstrahlung. Unvergleichlich in Schönheit und Perfektion von Form. Ganz langsam fing er an nach rechts zu neigen so dass ich auch hinein schauen konnte. Mit äusserster Aufmerksamkeit folgte ich dem Geschehen. Auf einmal sah ich es. Der Kelch war gefüllt mit roter Flüssigkeit, Blut! Blut dass nun über den Rand tropfte. Je mehr der Kelch nach rechts neigte je mehr Blut kam. Erst als ein kleiner Strahl, schliesslich als ein Strom. Es wurde eine Sturzflut von Blut, eine nimmer endende Flut. Unerschöpflich. Nachdem ich das letzte gesehen hatte und erfassen konnte, wurde ich ergriffen von einer tiefen Rührung und Dankbarkeit. Eine unaussprechliche Freude durchströmte mich. Daraufhin wurde das Bild vage, bis es schliesslich verschwand. The TrinityAfter the vision had revealed itself, I had not any longer been concerned in the first time thereafter with it. At the time I followed intensive Zentraining. In Zen philosophy visions features which are one far no special attention give: they are temporarily and therefore relative objects of the spirit instead of of that spirit even. The foreign exchange is therefore: remain indifferent. From time to time the memory arose in me, that is also not so amazing completely naturally, because it left an enormous impression on me. The first concern golt the authenticity. I wanted to be absolutely surely of the supernatural character of the vision and that to differentiate of something from my psyche, from a “Visualisation” or a hallucination. Which would plead for the latter, the forecast was me forwards not all at long time was done. Without I had put on it on it, one had to count nevertheless on (unconscious) suggestiven Kraft. But many sober facts faced there. First of all there completely suddenly - of one moment on the others - my consciousness condition was together with my environment beyond rose. It had “completely different” character, timeless reality with differently-dimensional one and at the same time larger reality quality; something which I had before never experienced. The event “was not from this world”. Everything happened in a timeless and borderless moment. This could be not possibly only simply a projection of my small even. Then I saw the pictures with large clarity before me on a distance of about two meters. Whereby I was conscious from as a true taker and the distance between me - to which sees - and the objects. The vision took place in the same consciousness area, but was there at the same time a distance between me and the pictures. I was not not one instant participant of the events. The pictures were just as “completely different”, them had another reality quality. The golden rays of light had an inconceivable intensity, one as well as I them never before - in the daily life - saw; the forms - the Johanniskraut, Menorah and the cup - represented typical ark-typical symbols. Instead of giving this whole event a place, understand to want or interpret, as well as it would be the case with a projection, was only deeply impressed I, in complete surprise and very agitated. So much that I poured finally “tears before God”. In the end it was typical that, as soon as I “seized” which happened there, thus that I tried to understand it with my understanding, the vision became promptly weaker and disappeared. Thus it is confirmed that there two dimensions were: the vision as a sign of pervasive consciousness that finally dawned around place to make for the “normal” reality, the understanding. The conclusion is that the vision has all characteristics of the transcendental one and that it gives no doubt at its authenticity. Afterwards the vision resulted as a forerunner of the following large experience, in this sense is beyond that confirmed then also “the sense” of the event. If one goes out of it, one may thus accept that the vision a significant message from last the latter with itself brings. Occasionally dawned me also, but I nevertheless always pushed it the side. I had to become simply no desire around a “Ambassador”. And the thoughts arose again and again nevertheless in me. Agreeing with my given situation I gave it to all kinds of meanings, which did not place me by any means really contently. “Innnendrin” I knew low naturally, but I somehow did not get it “on the row” around it as truth to formulate simple; long time did not succeed that. Above all the fact that the vision “was larger as more ichselber”, did not release me not. It was not alone intended for me, but had meaning for the entireness, for “mankind” possibly. I was allowed it it thus not before me to hold, but had to divide; everyone therein to have, that was my responsibility leaves to part. I must confess that it did not take I nevertheless beyond longer time particularly seriously. In reality however I was probably not yet ripe or worthy enough in order to be a carrier of it. Only message and Ambassadors had to become still “one”. Thirty-three years it lay in “the breeding place”, before it could be born and notified via me on new and might. I am ashamed nearly before the fact that it lasted so long - and then also still under reservation - before I could call myself in the wahrsten sense a “guardian of my brother”. What now is the meaning of which was revealed? Without I intended “sources” for rate pulled, me the following became clear. The most important with the fact is that the Johanniskraut for “conscious becoming”, which Lebensbaum for “personal development” or “integration” and the cup for the “selbstlose love” stands there. The Johanniskraut is since undenklichen times the symbol from the light that darkness and spirit drive out. The golden lamellas indicate. The red Tüpfelchen in the heart carry the core for recovery by the light in itself, specially with Schwermütigkeit and depression, which thus not is amazing. It the double to be rooted-be symbolized simultaneous to lead there its himmlische quality (the bright Blümchen) back is from to be rooted-be in the earth. The Lebensbaum (the Jewish Menorah) represents “the law”, which regulations” entered in the Jewish religion those completely contains “by God for the daily life. The Judentum is, contrary to the Christianity - to only only be instead of faith - to all only a “life-style advice”. It carries for your environment with to concrete harmony in you even and and covers therefore, which one calls nowadays personal growth, integration, complete becoming and internal balance. In the end the cup the pouring out Gralbecher represents itself, as symbol of selbstloser love and self sacrifice. Why the Gral was revealed now straight to me and in this form, whereupon no answer can be given. The idea that since that emerge the legend - approximate before thousand years -, I on the new receiver are, cannot seize also I. As “guardian of the Grals” I feel at the same time unabashedly loose and easy, and low-seriously responsible. The fact that the Gral its secret abandons, points to an intervention of the supernatural one in the spirit of the time. It the straight now, after so long time, happens; shows on that mankind in a critical phase is. It shows the direction into which we go should. The core of this revealing lies in the unit of conscious becoming, personal growth and self sacrifice. Which I here already called as “three-unit”. There is central indications in the Grallegende. Briefly said: there cannot be growth without conscious becoming, and no conscious becoming without sympathy. This illustrated by the history of Parzival's first attendance on the Gralburg. Already to Begin of its life it was on the search for the Gral - the actual Mysteriums of the life - that conscious becoming representiert. In the period of its search it overcame countless obstacles; this was its personal complete becoming and growth process. In this way enriched reached it finally the Gralburg, where the ill king Amfortas resided. Despite all its which he had not already created in the life “”, had he in the moment anything at the Gral, because he forgot the correct question to place. According to the true kind of the Grals: “Whom the Gral serves?” Which as much meant as one about the state of health of the king would inquire. Parzival was pre-determined for the “highest”, but it lacked him mercy and selbstloser love. Therefore the real meaning of the Grals escaped it, i.e. pouring out cup. Many years later it returned to the castle, after it had learned in the meantime the correct instruction, and asked it the correct question. Only as it the Gral recognized the kingdom as cup life-bringing to use of everything and everyone, fell it to part. Conscious becoming, personal growth/integration and Selbstlosigkeit are thus the way, the truth and the life. In Essenz they are the same. Conscious becoming. (again) the center releases automatically the small I finds -. Contrary to in former times is which I now - instead of in the center - in the periphery. Conscious becoming and to free-be of the Ego are thus two sides the same medal. In the same way there is no integration of parts, without which whole ones (consciousness) in that are integrated the parts. Selbstlosigkeit is thereby the coronation/culmination of conscious and complete becoming, the “fruit, by which one recognizes the tree”. It is the connecting link that becomes “forgotten” often. They over saw the eyes will see it. In this time of ignorance, self craze and indifference also “mirror-image-ritual” humans are infected with the “growth virus” frequently exclusively. To unfold without it with another to divide, leads itself to accumulations, which poison you. Growth and “self payment” should have therefore a fruitful relationship to each other. Everyone knows the moments. Makes you even forgotten you incomparably luckier than you even “enrich”. Self payment is: You to empty and the Essenz find. This adds to the life some qualities in addition which we forgot: Employment, devotion, sacrifice, Selbstlosigkeit, unselfishness, love and courage. Contrary to the past, in which we had to obey “on command” these values, these qualities come out now spontaneously from our internal process. One does not seem to be able without the other one. Then only the life shows up as sanctified; a continual Initiation into its secret one. It symbolized by the three-unit. -------------------------- Nachdem die Vision sich offenbart hatte, habe ich mich in der ersten Zeit danach nicht mehr damit befasst. Zu der Zeit folgte ich intensives Zentraining. In der Zen-philosophie sind Visionen Erscheinungen denen man weiter keine besondere Aufmerksamkeit schenkt: sie sind vorübergehend und darum relative Objekte vom Geist anstatt von dem Geist-Selbst. Die Devise ist darum: gleichgültig bleiben. Ab und zu kam die Erinnerung ganz natürlich in mir auf, das ist auch nicht so verwunderlich, weil es einen gewaltigen Eindruck auf mich hinterlassen hat. Die erste Sorge golt der Authentizität. Ich wollte mir absolut sicher sein von dem übernatürlichen Charakter von der Vision und dem unterscheiden von etwas aus meiner Psyche, von einer 'Visualisation' oder gar einer Halluzination. Was für das letzte plädieren würde, war die Vorhersage die mir vor nicht all zu langer Zeit getan wurde. Ohne dass ich es darauf angelegt hatte, musste man doch mit einer (unbewussten) suggestiven Kraft rechnen. Aber da standen viele nüchterne Fakten gegenüber. Erstens war da ganz plötzlich - von einem Moment auf den anderen - mein Bewusstseinszustand der zusammen mit meiner Umgebung über michselbst hinaus stieg. Es hatte einen 'ganz anderen' Charakter, eine zeitlose Wirklichkeit mit einer andersdimensionalen und gleichzeitig grösseren Wirklichkeitsqualität; etwas das ich zuvor niemals erlebt hatte. Das Ereignis 'war nicht von dieser Welt'. Alles geschah in einem zeitlosen und grenzlosen Moment. Dieses konnte unmöglich nur einfach eine Projektion von meinem kleinen selbst sein. Sodann sah ich die Bilder mit grosser Klarheit vor mir auf einem Abstand von circa zwei Meter. Wobei ich mir bewusst war von mirselbst als Wahrnehmer und dem Abstand zwischen mir - dem sehen - und den Objekten. Die Vision erfolgte zwar in demselben Bewusstseinsraum, doch war da zur gleichen Zeit ein Abstand zwischen mir und den Bildern. Ich war keinen einzigen Augenblick Teilnehmer der Geschehnisse. Die Bilder selbst waren ebenso 'ganz anders', sie hatten eine andere Wirklichkeitsqualität. Die goldenen Lichtstrahlen hatten eine unvorstellbare Intensität, eine sowie ich sie nie vorher - im täglichen Leben - gesehen habe; die Formen - das Johanniskraut, Menorah und der Kelch - stellten typische archetypische Symbole dar. Anstatt dieses ganze Ereignis einen Platz zu geben, begreifen zu wollen oder zu interpretieren, sowie es der Fall sein würde bei einer Projektion, war ich lediglich tief beeindruckt, in gänzlicher Verwunderung und sehr gerührt. So sehr, dass ich schliesslich 'Tränen vergoss vor Gott'. Zum Schluss war es typisch, dass, sobald ich 'fasste' was da passierte, also dass ich es mit meinem Verstand zu verstehen versuchte, die Vision prompt schwächer wurde und verschwand. Damit bestätigt sich, dass da zwei Dimensionen waren: die Vision als Ausdruck von dem allgegenwärtigen Bewusstsein, dass schliesslich verdämmerte um Platz zu machen für die 'normale' Wirklichkeit, dem Verstand. Die Schlussfolgerung ist, dass die Vision alle Kennzeichen von dem Transzendenten hat und dass es kein Zweifel gibt an seiner Authentizität. Im nachhinein ergab sich die Vision darüber hinaus als Vorläufer von der darauffolgenden Grossen Erfahrung, in diesem Sinne bestätigt sich dann auch 'der Sinn' des Ereignisses. Wenn man hiervon ausgeht, darf man also annehmen dass die Vision eine bedeutungsvolle Botschaft aus dem Letztendlichen mit sich bringt. Zuweilen dämmerte mir das auch, aber ich schob es dennoch immer wieder auf die Seite. Ich hatte einfach keine Lust um ein 'Botschafter' zu werden. Und doch kamen die Gedanken immer wieder in mir auf. Übereinstimmend mit meiner gegebenen Situation gab ich es allerlei Bedeutungen, die mich keineswegs wirklich zufrieden stellten. 'Tief innnendrin' wusste ich natürlich, aber irgendwie bekam ich es einfach 'nicht auf die Reihe' um es als Wahrheit zu formulieren; lange Zeit gelang das nicht. Vor allem die Tatsache dass die Vision 'grösser war wie ichselber', liess mich nicht los. Es war nicht allein für mich bestimmt, doch hatte Bedeutung für die Ganzheit, für die 'Menschheit' möglicherweise. Ich durfte es also nicht vor mich halten, sondern musste es teilen; jeden darin Teil haben lassen, das war meine Verantwortlichkeit. Ich muss gestehen, dass es ich dessenungeachtet über längere Zeit hinaus nicht besonders ernst genommen habe. In Wirklichkeit jedoch war ich wahrscheinlich noch nicht reif oder würdig genug dazu, um ein Träger davon zu sein. Erst mussten Botschaft und Botschafter noch 'eins' werden. Dreiunddreissig Jahre hat es in 'der Brutstätte' gelegen, bevor es via mich auf neuem geboren und durchgegeben werden konnte und dürfte. Ich schäme mich fast davor, dass es so lang gedauert hat - und dann auch noch unter Vorbehalt - bevor ich mich im wahrsten Sinne ein 'Hüter meines Bruders' nennen konnte. Was nun ist die Bedeutung von dem was offenbart wurde? Ohne dass ich bestimmte 'Quellen' zu Rate gezogen habe, ist mir folgendes deutlich geworden. Das allerwichtigste dabei ist, dass das Johanniskraut für 'Bewusstwerdung', dem Lebensbaum für 'persönliche Entwicklung' oder 'Integration' und dem Kelch für die 'selbstlose Liebe' dasteht. Dabei ist das Johanniskraut seit undenklichen Zeiten das Symbol von dem Licht, dass Dunkelheit und Geister vertreibt. Die goldenen Blättchen zeigen das an. Die roten Tüpfelchen im Herzen tragen den Kern zur Genesung durch das Licht in sich, spezial bei Schwermütigkeit und Depression, was also nicht verwunderlich ist. Es symbolisiert gleichzeitig das zweifache verwurzelt-sein, da seine himmlische Qualität (die leuchtende Blümchen) zurück zu führen ist aus dem gewurzelt-sein in der Erde. Der Lebensbaum (der Jüdische Menorah) repräsentiert 'das Gesetz', welches in der Jüdischen Religion die ganz 'durch Gott eingegebenen Vorschriften' für das tägliche Leben beinhaltet. Das Judentum ist, im Gegensatz zum Christentum - anstatt nur lediglich eine Glaube zu sein - zu allererst ein 'Lebensstil Rat'. Es trägt bei zu konkreter Harmonie in Dirselbst und Deiner Umgebung und umfasst deshalb, was man heutzutage persönliches Wachstum, Integration, Ganzwerdung und innerliche Balance nennt. Zum Schluss repräsentiert der Kelch den sich ausschenkenden Gralbecher, als Symbol von selbstloser Liebe und Selbstaufopferung. Warum der Gral nun gerade mir und in dieser Form offenbart wurde, darauf kann keine Antwort gegeben werden. Die Idee, dass seit dem auftauchen der Legende - ungefähr vor tausend Jahren -, ich aufs neue der Empfänger bin, kann auch ich nicht erfassen. Als 'Hüter des Grals' fühle ich mich gleichzeitig unbefangen, locker und leicht, als auch tiefernst verantwortlich. Die Tatsache dass der Gral sein Geheimnis preisgibt, deutet auf ein Eingreifen des Übernatürlichen in den Zeitgeist. Das es gerade jetzt, nach so langer Zeit, passiert; zeigt an dass die Menschheit sich in einer kritischen Phase befindet. Es zeigt die Richtung in die wir uns begeben sollten. Der Kern dieser Offenbarung liegt in der Einheit von Bewusstwerdung, persönlichem Wachstum und Selbstaufopferung. Das was ich hier schon als 'Dreieinheit' genannt habe. Es sind zentrale Indizien in der Grallegende. Kurz gesagt: es kann kein Wachstum geben ohne Bewusstwerdung, und keine Bewusstwerdung ohne Mitgefühl. Dies wird illustriert durch die Geschichte von Parzival's erstem Besuch auf der Gralburg. Schon zu Begin seines Lebens war er auf der Suche nach dem Gral - dem eigentlichen Mysteriums des Lebens - dass Bewusstwerdung representiert. In dem Zeitraum seiner Suche überwand er zahllose Hindernisse; dieses war sein persönlicher Ganzwerdungs- und Wachstumsprozess. Auf diese Weise angereichert erreichte er schliesslich die Gralburg, wo der kranke König Amfortas residierte. Trotz all dessen was er im Leben 'bereits erschafft hatte', hatte er in dem Moment nichts an dem Gral, weil er vergass die richtige Frage zu stellen. Und zwar nach der wahren Art des Grals: "Wem dient der Gral?" Was soviel bedeutete als würde man nach dem Gesundheitszustand des Königs erkundigen. Parzival war zwar fürs 'höchste' vorbestimmt, doch es mangelte ihm an Barmherzigkeit und selbstloser Liebe. Darum ist ihm die wirkliche Bedeutung des Grals entgangen, nämlich des sichselbst ausschenkenden Bechers. Viele Jahre später kehrte er zur Burg zurück, nachdem er inzwischen die richtigen Lehrungen gelernt hatte, und stellte er die richtige Frage. Erst als er den Gral erkannte als lebensbringenden Kelch zu Nutzen von allem und jedem, fiel ihm das Königreich zu Teil. Bewusstwerdung, persönliches Wachstum/Integration und Selbstlosigkeit sind also der Weg, die Wahrheit und das Leben. In Essenz sind sie dasselbe. Bewusstwerdung. das (wieder)finden des Zentrums lässt automatisch das kleine Ich - los. Im Gegensatz zu früher befindet sich das Ich jetzt - statt in der Mitte - in der Peripherie. Bewusstwerdung und freisein vom Ego sind also zwei Seiten derselben Medaille. In der gleichen Weise gibt es keine Integration von Teilen, ohne das Ganze (das Bewusstsein) in dem die Teile integriert werden. Selbstlosigkeit ist dabei die Krönung von Bewusst- und Ganzwerdung, die 'Frucht, an der man den Baum erkennt'. Es ist das Verbindungsglied das oft 'vergessen' wird. Sie, die Augen haben um zu sehen, werden es sehen. In dieser Zeit von Unwissenheit, Selbstsucht und Gleichgültigkeit sind auch 'spirituelle' Menschen häufig ausschliesslich mit dem 'Wachstumsvirus' infiziert. Sich selbst zu entfalten ohne es mit einem anderen zu teilen, führt zu Anhäufungen, die Dich selbst vergiften. Wachstum und 'Selbstausschüttung' sollten darum eine fruchtbare Beziehung zueinander haben. Jeder kennt die Momente. Dichselbst vergessen macht dich unvergleichlich glücklicher als Dichselbst zu 'bereichern'. Selbstausschüttung ist: Dich zu entleeren und die Essenz finden. Dies fügt zum Leben einige Qualitäten hinzu die wir vergessen haben: Einsatz, Hingabe, Aufopferung, Selbstlosigkeit, Uneigennützigkeit, Liebe und Mut. Im Gegensatz zur Vergangenheit, in der wir 'auf Kommando' diesen Werten gehorchen mussten, kommen diese Qualitäten jetzt spontan aus unserem innerlichen Prozess hervor. Das eine scheint nicht ohne das andere zu können. Dann erst zeigt sich das Leben als geheiligt; eine fortwährende Initiation in seine Geheime. Es wird symbolisiert durch die Dreieinheit. Appendix Apart from the “official” interpretation is the “original” meaning of the vision to attribute to the large nut/mother. The Johanniskraut is very old and finds its origin in the middle east. Symbolically seen one attributes Vitalität, joy of life and fertility to him. Accordingly used priest inside the herb with the “Liebesorakel”. Women danced with a wreath/ring of Johanniskraut on their hips, in order to vitalisieren the Gebärmutter. Therefore the herb is located in direct connection with (cosmic) the Gebärmutter. Ancient female lady doctors wrote it forwards with abdominal trouble. The Christianity demonisierte the nut/mother and made a devil of it. To Maria Himmelfahrt (sic) the herb one geweiht and one hung up afterwards in the houses, as protecting against the devil, bad spirit and diseases. The herb got also “other protection patron”. From now on the sun turning celebration (the original high point of the celebrations) renamed into the Johannisfest. The marvelous is that welfare-end effect of Johanniskraut is actually very strong. It assigned, for example, Menstruationsbeschwerden, Migräne, depressions, to the Wundheilung and much more besides. The Menorha or the Jewish Leuchter is derived from the Kanaaniti Lebensbaum; this again was one of the large symbols of the nut/mother goddess Ashera. Other titles of it were “nut/mother of the Gods”; it was called - exactly like Astarte - repeated in the Bible. In addition, Astarte is either another name of it, could your daughter be. Their trailers spoke you on with “queen of the sky”. It was very popular. The holy of the holy ones in Salomon's temple was called “the Gebärmutter by Astarte”. The high song is a rendition of the dear experiences from the time of the nut/mother. That is the reason why Jewish and Christian theologians and writing scholars so heavily did. Because finally the patriarchalen religions wanted nevertheless to out-avoid the memory of the nut/mother. The whole Bible can be seen in such a way. It is the representation of the controversy of the “new religion” against the old. A controversy between the male and the female principle. Even if it, superficially seen, seemed then as if the female was subjected at the male, then that is lowest Rome destroyed by the “eternal-female” (J.W.Goethe) never really. And now, where the Patriarchat draws whole mankind with itself into the fall, is we dependent on your comeback. There is no more doubt that the Gralkelch the symbol is for the cosmic Gebärmutter. It is the barrel of the abundance, the source from all this develops. It pours itself even out which the meaning of the bloodstream actual originally certainly related to the Menstruation - so that everything may be fruitful. The cup probably arrived from India via Persia into the middle east. There it as communion cup taken up in the Christian symbol world. Since then countless myths make the round. Abhänging of dynastischen and national prospective customers was situiert the cup times in Spain, times in France, then again in Germany or England. The mixture with the celtic barrel of the abundance was essential in the form of “Badb”, a Gebärmutter “those the dead ones again to the life at night aroused”. Those have it again the Phönizier (Kanaaniter) too verdanken.* it took place a mixture between these two strong symbols, kulminierend in the different Grallegenden, as well as these starting from the tenth century in Europe emerged. The usually astonishing is “Parzival” from tungsten of ash brook **. He says that it his inspiration from a certain (“tables”) Kyot received, which had again its information from Toledo; at that time a flowering center for Jewish, Islamic and Christian culture. * The Phoenizier came to Ireland approximately 1800 BCE as well as their mythology. ** Parzival went meant “it or it through the valley (the cosmic Gebärmutter)”, while the Gral is called “sing-material”, which blood and/or (life) giving cup means. -------------------------------------------------- Neben der "offiziellen" Deutung ist die 'ursprünglichen' Bedeutung der Vision zurückzuführen auf die Grosse Mutter. Das Johanniskraut ist sehr alt und findet ihren Ursprung im Mittleren Osten. Symbolisch gesehen schreibt man ihm Vitalität, Lebensfreude und Fruchtbarkeit zu. Dementsprechend gebrauchten Priesterinnen das Kraut beim 'Liebesorakel'. Frauen tanzten mit einem Kranz von Johanniskraut auf ihren Hüften, um die Gebärmutter zu vitalisieren. Deswegen steht das Kraut in direkter Verbindung mit der (kosmischen) Gebärmutter. Altertümliche weibliche Ärztinnen schrieben es vor bei Unterleibsbeschwerden. Das Christentum demonisierte die Mutter und machte einen Teufel von Ihr. Zu Maria Himmelfahrt (sic) wurde das Kraut geweiht und danach in den Häusern aufgehängt, als Beschützung gegen den Teufel, böse Geister und Krankheiten. Das Kraut bekam auch einen 'anderen Schutzpatron'. Fortan wurde die Sonnenwendefeier (der ursprüngliche Höhepunkt der Feste) umgetauft in das Johannisfest. Das Wunderbare ist, dass die heilende Wirkung von Johanniskraut tatsächlich sehr stark ist. Es wird eingesetzt bei, zum Beispiel, Menstruationsbeschwerden, Migräne, Depressionen, zur Wundheilung und vieles mehr. Die Menorha oder der Jüdische Leuchter ist abgeleitet vom Kanaanitischem Lebensbaum; dieser wiederum war einer der grossen Symbole der Muttergöttin Ashera. Andere Titel von Ihr waren 'Mutter von den Göttern'; sie wurde - genau wie Astarte - wiederholt in der Bibel genannt. Astarte ist entweder ein anderer Name von Ihr, könnte aber auch Ihre Tochter sein. Ihre Anhänger sprachen Sie an mit 'Königin des Himmels'. Sie war sehr populär. Das Heilige der Heiligen in Salomon's Tempel wurde 'Die Gebärmutter von Astarte' genannt. Das Hohelied ist eine Wiedergabe der Liebeserfahrungen aus der Zeit der Mutter. Das ist der Grund warum Jüdische und Christliche Theologen und Schriftgelehrte sich so schwer taten. Denn schliesslich wollten die patriarchalen Religionen doch die Erinnerung an die Mutter ausbannen. Die ganze Bibel kann so gesehen werden. Es ist die Darstellung des Streites von der 'neuen Religion' gegen die alte. Ein Streit zwischen dem männlichen und dem weiblichen Prinzip. Auch wenn es, oberflächlich gesehen, so schien als ob das weibliche unterworfen war am männlichen, so ist der Unterstrom vom 'Ewig-Weiblichen' (J.W.Goethe) nie wirklich vernichtet worden. Und jetzt, wo das Patriarchat die ganze Menschheit mit sich zieht in den Untergang, sind wir angewiesen auf Ihr come-back. Es besteht kein Zweifel mehr dass der Gralkelch das Symbol ist für die Kosmische Gebärmutter. Er ist das Fass des Überflusses, die Quelle aus der alles entsteht. Sie giesst SichSelbst aus - was die Bedeutung des Blutstromes ist - ursprünglich zweifellos bezogen auf die Menstruation - sodass alles fruchtbar sein möge. Der Kelch ist vermutlich aus Indien via Persien in den Mittleren Osten gelangt. Dort wurde er als Abendmahlsbecher aufgenommen in der christlichen Symbolwelt. Seitdem machen zahllose Mythen die Runde. Abhänging von dynastischen und nationalen Interessenten wurde der Kelch mal in Spanien, mal in Frankreich, dann wieder in Deutschland oder England situiert. Essentiell war die Vermischung mit dem Keltischen Fass des Überflusses in der Form von 'Badb', eine Gebärmutter 'die nachts die Toten wieder zum Leben erweckte'. Die haben es wiederum die Phönizier (Kanaaniter) zu verdanken.* Es fand eine Vermischung zwischen diesen beiden kräftigen Symbolen statt, kulminierend in den verschiedenen Grallegenden, sowie diese ab dem zehnten Jahrhundert in Europa auftauchten. Die meist verblüffende ist 'Parzival' von Wolfram von Eschenbach**. Er sagt dass er seine Inspiration von einem gewissen ('heretischen') Kyot empfangen hat, der wiederum seine Information aus Toledo hatte; seinerzeit ein blühendes Zentrum für Jüdische, Islamitische und Christliche Kultur. * Die Phoenizier kamen nach Irland rund 1800 BCE zusammen mit ihrer Mythologie. ** Parzival bedeutet 'er oder sie die durch das Tal (die Kosmische Gebärmutter) gegangen ist', während der Gral 'Sangreal' genannt wird, was Blut- beziehungsweise (Lebens-)schenkender Kelch bedeutet. My Woman Within It was during an exercise, that I most profoundly experienced my femininity. While deeply breathing, a primal energy slowly took charge of my body. Each and every cell became filled with a deep erotic force. Everything was held in it, nothing left behind. An unbelievable fullness came over me, a fullness that bit by bit spread through me. It was most noticeable in the nipples and groins. My breasts were suffused with profound delight – an inexhaustible source of love - and an intense rush of warmth flew to all directions. My loving heart had opened completely: I nurtured the entire universe. There was no end to the intensity of erotic delight. At the same time my groins became imbued in the same primal energy, an energy that made my pelvis move slowly and ever so subtly. The energy came from within; never before had I felt my genital area more profoundly and with such intense bliss. I felt every fiber, every stage of movement. It was a movement through which I experienced myself as having a glorious vulva. I had never been more open! It was the bliss of an entirely receptive submission, a force that entered me and subsequently spread upward filling me with boundless energy. I had become part of a cosmic rhythm. And yet I was in no way overwhelmed by it. In quiet ecstasy I remained perfectly clear and in open contact with my surroundings. I was able to very consciously experience everything in the here and now. Nevertheless, the energy had completely taken possession of me without any additional action on my part whatsoever. I was very much aware of the fact that this was primal femininity. The deepest possible erotic feminine energy had opened up in me and had become an actuality. I therefore know that apart from my masculinity I am completely feminine as well, and that I am able to experience it more profoundly than a great many women may ever have. And what’s more, it was in no way related to my manhood. No male energy had caused it, no male fantasy or male erotic reaction had been involved. It all came forth of itself, of the deep origin of the Self. Hence, on a higher energy level every man is completely feminine and vice versa. Truly a miracle. * A harbinger of the later experience of the Great Mother?! Während einer spontanen und intensiven Atemübung kam ich zu einer tiefen Erfahrung meines Frau-seins. Nach und nach nahm eine Urenergie Besitz von meinem Körper. Jede Zelle füllte sich mit einer tief-erotischen Kraft. Alles war darin aufgenommen, nichts blieb hiervon verschont. Ich verspürte eine unglaubliche Vollheit, die ich am stärksten in meinen Brustwarzen und Becken wahrnahm. Meine Brüste wurden durchströmt mit tiefen Lustgefühlen. Aus einem unerschöpflichen Liebesbrunnen floss ein intensiver Wärmestrom. Die erotische Seligkeit war unendlich intensiv. Mein Liebesherz hatte sich total geöffnet und von daraus nährte ich das ganze Universum. Gleichzeitig wurde mein Becken in die Ur-Energie aufgenommen. Eine Energie die es langsam und äusserst subtil rhythmisch bewegen liess. So tief und glückselig hatte ich meinen Unterleib (Vulva....) noch nie erfahren. Ich fühlte jede Bewegung, jede Faser. So offen war ich! Total ergeben empfing ich die Kraft in meinem Innern die von unten nach oben strömte und mich mit unendlicher Energie erfüllte. Die Energie hatte mich total in ihrem 'Besitz'. Dennoch wurde ich in keiner Weise dadurch überwältigt. In stiller Ekstase und im offenen Kontakt mit meiner Umgebung blieb ich hell und klar. Da war nur noch fühlen. Dies war das Ur-Weibliche*. Das wurde mir in völliger Klarheit bewusst. Die tiefst mögliche erotisch-weibliche Energie hatte sich in mir manifestiert. Nun weiss ich dass ich auch ebenso 'Frau' bin; ich habe meine Weiblichkeit selbst so erfahren wie vielleicht manch eine Frau es noch nie erlebt hat. Im gleichen Augenblick war da keine einzige Beziehung mit meinem Mann-sein. Es gab vorher keine männlichen Fantasien, auch waren da keine männlich-erotischen Reaktionen oder Gefühle. Das ganze geschah völlig aus sichselbst, aus dem tiefen Urbrunnen des Selbst. Für wahr ein Wunder. * Ein Vorbote von der späteren Erfahrung von der Großen Mutter'?! And then… Tantra Tantra isn't "the path towards ecstasy". It isn't like many trendy brochures, courses and trainings would like you to believe. Rather than having your energy raised, it is the complete opposite of it. A long time ago the following happened. Totally unexpected and unforeseen. In some way or other I was very open, relaxed and clear. She who was with me seemed to be in a similar state. A joint experiencing of inner quietude, a great deal of attention for one another and a great intensity. And as the excitement increased, the state of relaxation only deepened and like a river the emotion ran into an ocean of peace, expanding it continuously. The more excited I was the more transparent consciousness became. The flow of energy causing an ever deepening inner peace! Rather than "climbing the mountain", I more and more became a valley. Expansion had replaced the common contraction mechanism. In each other and with the slightest of movements my consciousness was widening until it suddenly turned into a state of ecstatic silence, a Valley of Eternal Calm, an orgasm - implosion - such as I had never experienced before. It was a state of being omnipresent, a Void, one into which I had completely blended and dissolved. A limitless and timeless state of Empty Peaceful Stability - Tantra - which went on for many hours. No thoughts, no emotions, no me, no desires and no bliss. I had opened up to a paradise, which had been there all along. I was beside myself with joy. Existence had lifted a tip of her veil and had made me a part of her deepest mystery. -------------------------- The following happened about at the same time. Perfectly unexpectedly. It was a completely special dear night. We were together in large internal peace, had much attention for each other and everything were full intensity. I was very openly, relaxed and bright. Also it seemed to be in the same condition. The paradoxes was this: in the subtle contact and the slowly increasing suggestion became larger to ease-be. The emotions flowed like a river into a sea from peace, which constantly spread thereby. Into one another and with the smallest movement it swelled further on. Until it finally led to a condition of ekstatischer silence, a valley of himmlischen peace - “Tantra” - totally different kind of “Orgasmus”, one which I so far did not know. I stayed continuously for hours in this valley of bright present. Time and boundless condition. A valley in “ichselbst” completely disappeared had melted away, dissolved. Except me before joy was I. I had myself opened for the Paradies. The existence had revealed me a little from its secret and sharings to leave to their Ekstase. With the dear it concerns to the resonieren with each other tuning. With the physical to together-be it is to be left loose necessarily over by internal observation your thought world. Contrary to which many think, do not make thoughts not really contact. They bring only messages and that are evenly completely something else. Your body however constantly is in oscillation. That to open and serve for it the “correct wavelength” to find those project are necessary for fusing. Only you should come to an agreement with your own body - to feel - and afterwards the tuning extend to the body of your partner. Then it is possible over of projects on along-felt to through-feel to come. If you are the matter from your thoughts, then at the same time more area develops. You can be now also via the area in contact. The usually subtle play results from the fact that one comes together into an area where one the energy merged in the meantime simply grant let can. In the devotion one is total. Much will then take place also without words. Your dear partner and you are become already one before it you (possibly) combined. The pure multiplies itself a thousand times completely automatically. In this framework sexual Obsession is impossible; one does not use the other no more for the own satisfaction. This does not exclude passion, on the contrary. The subtle “underground” can solve so deep emotions that a true dear force could break out. That means also, meeting with everything which possible one “normally” not would have considered. One does not say without reason that in the love everything is permitted. Played with the largest tenderness like two young dogs, it oils you mutually with your common Nektar, enjoys of the intensive Subtilität or you catch at to mad; also only the smallest is never held. Which fits however much less (or not) herein, presupposed things are like for example: purposeful stimulate from the well-known sinnlichen places, “give and take” as if it would concern business affairs, own desires, to express demands and dreams or “verbal force” in bed. The latter is mostly a compensation to the reconciliation of the internally felt poverty. Gesegnet are gotten those after such dear scenes the Kater. Because they do not know in any case like it “made” will should. Approximately to the same time an old friend came to attendance. I could do it from my student time as a “earlyintelligent”, which always in the three-part suit ran. I could not believe my eyes nearly. It was dressed orange colored, had a chain around the neck and talked long and broadly about its Indian teacher. It left a book, getitelt to “Tantra” (thus after the experience specified above found instead of!) that I arbitrarily impacted and began to read. Already after the first syllables I was met deeply in my heart. There a love became released, so intensively that it overwhelmed me totally. I had never experienced such a thing. I wanted only one: to this teacher. So said, so done. I asked to call my female assistant off within some days all dates for the first half-year; (at the beginning of of October 1977) I went somewhat later after Poona. I felt raised already from the outset; so that I hardly participated in the Ashram in all kinds of activities. I was in another dimension, one of large presence. Thus I hardly noticed the Trubel around me. During a lecture Bhagwan looked at me for a long time intensively and penetrating. I had the feeling that it totally by me through look could. There nothing was not between, I had a resistance, no substance, but was I, there absolutely! On the next day IT happened. ------------------------------ Etwa zur gleichen Zeit passierte folgendes. Vollkommen unerwartet. Es war eine ganz besondere Liebesnacht. Wir waren zusammen in grosser innerlicher Ruhe, hatten viel Aufmerksamkeit für einander und alles war voller Intensität. Ich war sehr offen, entspannt und hell. Auch sie schien sich in demselben Zustand zu befinden. Der Paradox war dieser: in der subtilen Berührung und der langsam zunehmenden Anregung vergrösserte sich das entspannt-sein. Die Emotionen flossen wie ein Fluss in ein Meer von Ruhe, die sich dadurch ständig ausbreitete. Ineinander und mit der kleinsten Bewegung schwoll es weiter an. Bis es schliesslich führte zu einem Zustand von ekstatischer Stille, einem Tal von himmlischen Frieden - 'Tantra' - eine total andere Art von 'Orgasmus', eine die ich bisher nicht kannte. Stundenlang habe ich ununterbrochen in diesem Tal von heller Gegenwart verweilt. Ein zeit- und grenzenloser Zustand. Ein Tal in dem 'ichselbst' völlig verschwunden war, aufgelöst, weggeschmolzen. Ausser mir vor Freude war ich. Ich hatte mich geöffnet für das Paradies. Die Existenz hatte mir ein wenig von ihrem Geheimnis enthüllt und teilhaben lassen an ihrer Ekstase. Beim lieben geht es um Abstimmung, dem resonieren mit einander. Beim körperlichen zusammensein ist es notwendig um durch innere Beobachtung Deine Gedankenwelt los zu lassen. Im Gegensatz zu dem was viele denken, machen Gedanken nicht wirklich Kontakt. Sie überbringen nur Botschaften und das ist eben ganz etwas anderes. Dein Körper hingegen befindet sich ständig in Schwingung. Das öffnen und einfühlen dienen dazu die 'richtige Wellenlänge' zu finden die nötig ist für das Zusammenschmelzen. Erst solltest Du Dich auf deinen eigenen Körper abstimmen - fühlen - und danach die Abstimmung erweitern auf den Körper deines Partners. Dann ist es möglich um von einfühlen auf mitfühlen zu durchfühlen zu kommen. Bist Du los von deinen Gedanken, dann entsteht gleichzeitig mehr Raum. Du kannst jetzt auch via dem Raum in Kontakt sein. Das meist subtile Spiel entsteht dadurch, dass man zusammen in einen Raum kommt worin man die inzwischen verschmolzene Energie einfach gewähren lassen kann. In der Hingabe ist man total. Vieles wird sich dann auch ohne Worte abspielen. Dein Liebespartner und Du sind schon eins geworden noch bevor ihr euch (eventuell) vereinigt habt. Das Pure vervielfältigt sich tausendmal ganz von selbst. In diesem Rahmen ist sexuelle Obsession unmöglich; man gebraucht den anderen nicht mehr für die eigene Befriedigung. Dieses schliesst Passion überhaupt nicht aus, im Gegenteil. Der subtile 'Untergrund' kann derartig tiefe Emotionen lösen, dass eine wahre Liebesgewalt ausbrechen könnte. Das bedeutet auch, Begegnung mit allem was man 'normal' nicht für möglich gehalten hätte. Man sagt nicht ohne Grund dass in der Liebe alles erlaubt sei. Mit der grössten Zärtlichkeit wird gespielt wie zwei junge Hunde, ihr ölt euch gegenseitig ein mit eurem gemeinsamen Nektar, geniesst von der intensiven Subtilität oder ihr fangt an zu tollen; niemals wird auch nur das geringste inne gehalten. Was jedoch viel weniger (oder garnicht) hierin passt, sind vorausgesetzte Sachen wie zum Beispiel: gezieltes stimulieren von den bekannten sinnlichen Stellen, das 'geben und nehmen' als ginge es um geschäftliche Angelegenheiten, eigene Wünsche, Verlangen und Träume zu äussern, oder 'verbale Gewalt' im Bett. Das letzte ist meistens eine Kompensation zum Ausgleich von der innerlich empfundenen Armut. Gesegnet sind diejenigen die nach solchen Liebesszenen einen Kater bekommen. Denn sie wissen auf jeden Fall wie es nicht "gemacht" werden sollte. Ungefähr zur selben Zeit kam ein alter Freund zu Besuch. Ich kannte ihn aus meiner Studentenzeit als einen 'frühklugen', der immer im dreiteiligen Anzug lief. Ich konnte meinen Augen fast nicht glauben. Er war orangefarbig gekleidet, hatte eine Kette um den Hals und redete lang und breit über seinen Indischen Lehrer. Er hinterliess ein Buch, getitelt 'Tantra' (also nachdem die oben genannte Erfahrung statt fand!) dass ich willkürlich aufschlug und anfing zu lesen. Bereits nach den ersten Silben wurde ich zutiefst in meinem Herzen getroffen. Da kam eine Liebe frei, so intensiv, dass sie mich total überwältigte. Dergleichen hatte ich nimmer erlebt. Ich wollte nur noch eins: zu diesem Lehrer. So gesagt, so getan. Ich bat meine Assistentin innerhalb von einigen Tagen alle Termine fürs erste Halbjahr abzusagen; etwas später (Anfang Oktober 1977) begab ich mich nach Poona. Schon von Anfang an fühlte ich mich emporgehoben; derartig dass ich in dem Ashram kaum teilnahm an allerlei Aktivitäten. Ich befand mich in einer anderen Dimension, einer von grosser Anwesenheit. Dadurch bemerkte ich kaum den Trubel um mich herum. Während eines Vortrages schaute Bhagwan mich lange intensiv und durchdringend an. Ich hatte das Gefühl dass er total durch mich hindurch schauen konnte. Da war nichts zwischen, ich hatte keinen Widerstand, keine Substanz, doch war ich dort, ganz und gar michSelber! Am nächsten Tag passierte ES. The master It started as I read one of his books. A few sentences were enough. His words struck me to the depth of my heart, followed by an outburst of joy: this was what I was searching for. This was the one who would reveal the Way, Truth and Life to me. With him I would begin my journey. My inner fire burned everything into ashes. Nobody could stop me. I had to be near to him. So I went to India. There my surrender was total. My love, my greatest love ever, being so intense, that I was lifted up to a totally new inner reality. My inner clarity, which had been trained in the years before in daily meditations expanded to great awareness.* In a very short ime the Masters' presence brought me to the boundaries of the Great Unknown, especially after he had stared "through me" for an "eternity". I realized not to have any resistence. My Being was utterly empty! Next day, suddenly, the Transcendence! Just One Space in which he as well as I disappeared completely. I am The One Mind containing everything. The Transmission had taken place.** * I did not identify myself with him at all. Neither his words nor his meditations were really important to me. There was no need to become a disciple. Everything that followed was without any ambition/doing of myself. ** This Master would not acknowledge any Realization of any disciple. Hence, to respect his position I keep secret about his identity..... ------------------------------------ As said: It began after I something of ihm* had read. Presently/immediately, already in accordance with the first paragraphs I was deeply met. Its words freed my whole inside in unbelievably simple way. My heart was jubilant impetuously. This was the recognition after which I had so long searched. And I knew: here that is in me the way, which can expose truth and the life. With him I want to go. The flame was ignited, I could no longer back. The internal fire was dermasssen inflamed that it was not to be deleted no more. I had to down-burn nothing in its present, should unangetan remain. * Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh There was nothing which I held back. My conscious devotion was total. And it happened completely spontaneously and unintentionally. I was absolutely portion takeless. Only pure clarity and estimated of the deepest dimension of love which I had ever known. Unknown quantities assume from the swindle-exciting. I identified myself with nothing! , not with its person, not with which he said. In its present I directly where no more words are brought. From the outset this direct directness was, there continual flows together, divides from a common area. I needed nothing more. There only a timeless bright present the all covered, an area was where of everything, including my same width unit, disappeared. Yes, also the dear fever was in the meantime taken up to my large coolness heart. Which was a quality, a condition, a deep dear knowledge remained remaining regarding universe and everything. The moment in which it across through looked me - and I a “eternity” to permit could, without each resistance - arose as crucial for which followed. On the next day the large Durchbruch* came completely unexpectedly. The transmission - pure and direct - had found instead of. And I knew immediately: that I have to owe to a man, illuminated and at the same time am blown up, universally and inconceivably to related. From the outset I knew from its craze at “illuminating” and the power abuse. A conflict that me in the following years endless processing problems procured. Finally it brought me in addition, the insight that I the same dark side in me herbergte. Finally also I (Ego) operated in the illusion, the center of the universe to be. With that assume the “unacceptable one” could I mean projection back to take. But I am doubly grateful. By the way: if the Ego stands, is not in the service of that not so badly. Wunderlich is the life nevertheless. * See below: “Absolute the nothing” --------------------------------------------- Wie gesagt: Es begann nachdem ich etwas von ihm* gelesen hatte. Augenblicklich, schon nach den ersten Absätzen wurde ich zutiefst getroffen. Seine Worte machten auf unglaublich einfache Weise mein ganzes Inneres frei. Ungestüm jubelte mein Herz. Dies war die Erkennung nach der ich solange gesucht hatte. Und ich wusste: hier ist derjenige der in mir den Weg, die Wahrheit und das Leben blosslegen kann. Mit ihm will ich gehen. Die Flamme war entzündet, ich konnte nicht mehr zurück. Das innerliche Feuer war dermasssen entflammt, dass es nicht mehr zu löschen war. Ich musste in seiner Gegenwart niederbrennen, nichts sollte unangetan bleiben. * Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Es gab nichts was ich zurückhielt. Meine bewußte Hingabe war total. Und es passierte völlig spontan und unabsichtlich. Ich war ganz und gar anteilnahmslos. Nur pure Klarheit und das ermessen von der tiefsten Dimension von Liebe die ich je gekannt hatte. Ein vermuten vom schwindelerregendem Unbekannten. Ich identifizierte mich mit nichts!, nicht mit seiner Person, nicht mit dem was er sagte. In seiner Gegenwart wurde ich direkt dort gebracht wo keine Worte mehr sind. Von Anfang an war da fortwährend diese unmittelbare Direktheit, ein zusammenfliessen, das teilen von einem gemeinsamen Raum. Ich benötigte nichts mehr. Da war nur eine zeitlose helle Gegenwart die alles umfasste, ein Raum worin alles, inklusiv meines Selbstes, verschwand. Ja, auch das Liebesfieber war inzwischen in mein Grosse Kühle Herz aufgenommen. Was übrig blieb war eine Qualität, ein Zustand, ein tiefes Liebeswissen in Bezug auf All und alles. Der Moment in dem er quer durch mich hindurch schaute - und ich das eine 'Ewigkeit' zulassen konnte, ohne jeden Widerstand - ergab sich als entscheidend für das was folgte. Am nächsten Tag kam völlig unerwartet der Grosse Durchbruch*. Die Transmission - pur und direkt - hatte statt gefunden. Und ich wusste sofort: das habe ich einem Mann zu verdanken, der erleuchtet und zugleich aufgeblasen, universell und unvorstellbar auf sichselbst bezogen ist. Von Anfang an wusste ich von seiner Sucht an 'Erleuchtung' und dem Machtsmissbrauch. Ein Konflikt der mir in den darauffolgenden Jahren endlose Verarbeitungsprobleme besorgte. Letztendlich brachte es mir aber auch die Einsicht dass ich dieselbe dunkle Seite in mir herbergte. Schliesslich verkehrte auch ich (Ego) in dem Wahn, der Mittelpunkt des Universums zu sein. Mit dem annehmen des 'Unannehmbaren' konnte ich meine Projektion zurücknehmen. Dafür bin ich ihm doppelt dankbar. Übrigens: wenn das Ego im Dienst steht vom Selbst, ist das garnicht so schlimm. Wunderlich ist das Leben doch. * Sieh unten: "Das Absolute Nichts"
OFFENBARUNG DER
GROßEN MUTTER REVEALING THE GREAT MOTHER THREEFOLD
REALIZATION 1.ABSOLUTE NOTHINGNESS India, 9th of October, 1977 It happened in that garden. I found myself in an extraordinary condition, which had been going on already for some days. It was a state of being lifted out above ordinary things. People and events did not have the usual appeal anymore. The pattern of acting and reacting had become irrelevant. Something special was happening to me. I was totally overflowing with it. Thoughts had lost their grip on me. My body and its environment were very much alive and I was experiencing an extraordinary contact with them. Paralleling a spontaneous growth of increased inner clarity, my body gradually became lighter and more transparent. It first started in the feet. There the energy was cleared away like a blanket of fog, leaving behind a bright transparency. While the pureness rose up, any heaviness simultaneously disappeared out of my body till finally my head was filled with a crystal clear clarity. (Note: all this did not happen in my imagination. This is more real than reality.) A circle of energy remained on the crown of my skull. This circle appeared to be the centre of my actual alertness. I, as well as my surroundings was perceived from here. However, very little was left of myself. Neither the body nor thoughts were able to influence my inner awareness. It was the very quality of Self, enjoying Itself blissfully. I realized that I had found myself in the margin of my actual existence; just one fraction away from the Great Unknown. Intuitively I realized the invitation to the great leap and the consequential necessity of utter surrender. Suddenly, I was struck by a terrible Lightening and in less than a fraction of a second my existence was wiped out. It was a moment of Absolute Darkness. As my memory has failed to reproduce it - in that Moment there wasn't any memory - the duration of this terrible moment was unknown to me, so I have no idea how long this extraordinary moment has lasted. But I know it was the Dimension of Absolute Nothingness*. * This Lightning as a "tool" of Absolute Nothingness is the complete destruction of consciousness by the Vacuum or Great Mother. See "Commentary". It is a very archaic motive. For instance, in Ireland the (Vegetation) God Daghda dies by being struck through Lightning after his reign of one year. He, like everything else is governed by the Cauldron of Abundance - the Great Mothergoddess Dana (or Cerridwin) - through Her power of creation and destruction. It grants him the Ultimate Realization: "conquering" death and being resurrected. Only the latter can guide humanity through its greatest challenge: existential fear e.g.fear of Nothingness. Paul understood this and made Jesus the "resurrected One" of Christianity. However, we all should claim our birthright, our inherent power of regeneration. It is the deeper meaning behind the current global crisis. -------------------------------------------- Dort im Garten geschah es. Tagelang schon befand ich mich in einem aussergewöhnlichen Zustand. Ein Zustand, indem ich über den normalen Dingen stand, sozusagen darüber hinweg gehoben; ich fühlte mich nicht mehr im normalen Sinne durch die Dinge und die Leute angesprochen. Meine Handlungs- und Reaktionsmuster auf die Umgebung waren weggefallen. Ich wurde von etwas besonderem getragen. Etwas was mich total füllte, überlaufen liess. Die Gedanken hatten ihren Griff auf mich verloren. Ich war offen, empfänglich, klar zugegen, freudig geniessend von allem was um mich herum war. Ich fühlte meinen Körper in lebendigem Kontakt mit seiner Umgebung. Ein Körpergefühl dass stets leichter wurde, je mehr meine klare Gegenwärtigkeit spontan in Intensität zunahm. Welches zuerst in den Füssen fühlbar wurde. Die Energie zog wie eine Nebelschwade hoch; überall ein Gefühl von heller Durchgänglichkeit hinter sich lassend. Weiter nach oben verschwand die Schwere aus dem Körper, auch mein Kopf durchzog diese frische Klarheit. Die Aufmerksamkeit hatte sich in einem Kreis von zusammengeballter Energie in und über meinem Scheitel geheftet. Dieser Kreis was das Zentrum von heller Gegenwärtigkeit. Von hieraus nahm ich michselbst und meine Umgebung wahr. Da war übrigens nicht mehr soviel von mir übrig. Sowohl der Körper als auch die Gedanken hatten kaum noch Einfluss. Die Aufmerksamkeit wurde nicht mehr durch sie besetzt oder abgeleitet. Da war nur noch Bewusstsein, der äusserste Zustand von Selbstbewusstsein, die bewusste Anwesenheit die sichselbst freudvoll geniesst. Bis ich bemerkte dass ich mich in einer Randsituation befand, wo ich intuitiv anfühlte, dass ich an der Grenze von dem Grossen Unbekannten gelangt war, ein Zustand von äusserster Hingabe; eine Einladung um zu springen. Plötzlich schlug der "Blitz" ein und in weniger als einer Fraktion wurde meine Existenz ausgewischt. Ein Moment - von tiefster Schwärze - ich weiss nicht wie lange, war da nichts mehr. Hiervon gibt es auch keine Erinnerung. Aber ich weiss dass es das Absolute Nichts war*. *Der Blitz c.q Das Absolute Nichts ist die völlige Vernichtung von Bewusstsein durch das Vakuum oder der Großen Mutter. 2.THE GREAT LIGHT Creation Body of the Great Mother
That which immediately followed transcends all attempts of description. A very alive, brightly transparent clarity appeared to be the Only Reality. I was totally absorbed by and dissolved into this Utmost Purity. The whole world radiated and was exalted and totally transformed. Everything was pervaded by Divine Bliss and incorporated into a fresh, pure and ecstatic Light. It was unwavering and expressed life in its sublimest quality. Everything was dancing. I was able to look into Eternity, nay was Eternity Itself; timeless and without boundaries. All was joy, benediction, a celebration of unity, the Inexpressible and the dance. As I was possessed by a divine intoxication, I laughed continuously for no reason. The Oneness with THAT WHICH I AM and everything "around me" lasted all day. Everything had lost its separate identity, just like me being non-existent, instead possessing eternal quality: the grass, the flowers and the birds. Nothing existed on its own. Nothing fell apart. Without any exception, everything was part of the Whole, everything interconnected, the fabric of life. Absorbed by the same Suchness, everything radiated THAT! Everything being the content of the Eternal, there was not any difference between me, the grass, the flowers and the birds.Their Essence and mine were absolutely identical. I realized I was no better or even different from them. Since then I have known Reality to be the Essence of the interdependence of all things in which everything is equally unique. In the Purity of the Beyond everything had disappeared. No memory, since the ego dissolved, just knowing, IT knowing ITself. There is no „outside" anymore, everything has become absorbed - without leaving a trace - by the Ultimate. Everything appears to be IN YOU, the entire universe is the content of („your") Infinite Space. Therefore the paradox is, that by being Nothing, you are everything. Hence, the Ultimate Nondual State is that of inclusiveness. The last delusion is, that the world is somewhere out there (...). Dividing the One into „here" and the world „there" is yet another (subtle) form of dualism. The logic is this: the more "your" Consciousness is open, the more there is in. Hence, I am - and everybody Is - the One Mind, the all-Embracing One containing everything. In the Ultimate State „Emptiness is form", without any dualism left, beyond any attainment, free even from freedom, a State which is natural, transparent, spontaneous, nothing special. Because everything being part of Me, I love everything like myself. -------------------- Which followed thereafter, each description exceeds. An alive, transparent-bright brightness fell from the sky. I taken up to these purest pureness. Which I that I knew, submerged complete in it, was wiped out. There was only one. Everything around me was embedded in it. Everything, inclusiv was taken up to these Göttlichkeit, a ekstatische and extremely subtle aliveness, in the ONE. The whole world was lifted from its joints, and increased into an unusual condition. The life in their true quality. Where the light the life dances. It was a view into the eternity the IchSelbst is timeless, and without borders. I am the Essenz of all and everything, of the whole existence. The Essenz of the universe, that am I. There is only eternal consciousness. An inexpressible joy - a Entzücken except senses - took care of mine. Everything was joy, celebration. Celebration of the unit, the inexpressible one, the dance. Continuous laugh, only so, over nothing, totally moved, fully and trunken from God. All day long long. Everything had an eternity character, everything was embedded in the supernatural light. Nothing was excluded from it. The grass, the birds, the flowers, the stones, humans, anything was not dependent on. Impregnated of the same light they were connected in the same indescribable and dazzling beauty. Everything: the grass, the flowers and the birds were part of my area. Everything equally particularly was thereby without exception. Everything happened suddenly and completely unexpectedly. Ichselber had contributed into no wise to it. I had before at all no ambitions or a making, something “reach”. It was said like a “unbeflecktes receiving”. The temptation around the large experience as my own to call, came only many later. Over it more is to read in the chapter “dark night of the soul”. ---------------------------- Was danach folgte, übersteigt jede Beschreibung. Eine lebendige, durchsichtig-leuchtende Helligkeit fiel vom Himmel. Ich wurde aufgenommen in dieser pursten Purheit. Das ich, dass ich kannte, tauchte völlig darin unter, war ausgewischt. Da war nur noch Das Eine. Alles um mich herum war darin eingebettet. Alles, inclusiv michselbst war aufgenommen in dieser Göttlichkeit, eine ekstatische und äusserst subtile Lebendigkeit, im EINEN. Die ganze Welt wurde aus ihren Fugen gehoben, und erhöht in einen aussergewöhnlichen Zustand. Das Leben in ihrer wahren Qualität. Worin das Licht das Leben tanzt. Es war ein Blick in die Ewigkeit die IchSelbst Bin, zeitlos und ohne Grenzen. Ich Bin die Essenz von alles und allem, von dem ganzen Dasein. Die Essenz vom Universum, das Bin Ich. Es gibt nur Ewiges Bewusstsein. Eine unaussprechliche Freude - ein Entzücken ausser Sinnen - nahm sich meiner an. Alles war Freude, Feier. Feier von der Einheit, dem Unaussprechlichen, dem Tanz. Andauerndes lachen, nur so, um nichts, total verrückt, voll und trunken von Gott. Den ganzen Tag lang. Alles hatte Ewigkeitscharakter, alles war eingebettet in dem übernatürlichen Licht. Nichts war davon ausgeschlossen. Das Gras, die Vögel, die Blumen, die Steine, die Menschen, nichts war auf sichselbst angewiesen. Durchtränkt vom selben Licht waren sie verbunden in der gleichen unbeschreiblichen und verblendenden Schönheit. Alles: das Gras, die Blumen und die Vögel waren Teil von meinem Raum. Alles war dadurch ohne Ausnahme in gleichem Masse besonders. Alles geschah plötzlich und völlig unerwartet. Ichselber hatte in keinerlei Weise dazu beigetragen. Ich hatte zuvor überhaupt keine Ambitionen oder Vornehmen, etwas zu 'erreichen'. Es war wie gesagt ein 'unbeflecktes Empfangen'. Die Versuchung um die Grosse Erfahrung als meine eigene zu nennen, kam erst viel später. Darüber ist mehr zu lesen im Kapitel 'Dunkle Nacht der Seele'.
Der Vernichtungskörper der Großen Mutter Die nächste Nacht That same night Destruction Body of the Great Mother
The night after I suddenly woke up. Within a split second I was thrown into a Dark Ocean of Limitless Horror. The very immediate, direct and timeless anguish was both within and around me. At the selfsame moment the body was "decomposing". My "aura", emotions, feelings and thoughts had all disappeared, together with my sense of identity. Moreover, a terrible smell of decay penetrated me, together with a flash in which worms were consuming my body. Deep within, there were waves of deepest ice-cold electricity. My old self - bodymind - had completely gone. Usually, fear is "within" you. This, however, was totally different. The Horror was a Sea, in which everything of myself has disappeared. The only thing left in this horrifying dark Suchness was my inner clarity, my awareness. In the midst of this very real and hyperactive black ocean, my awareness was also on the verge of dissolving, though. Keeping my alertness was a terrible struggle, while terror and desperation continuously overwhelmed me. It was a matter of life and death. Keeping up this acute awareness lasted for many hours, as I could not afford one moment of weakness. Although my body (body-identity) was gone, I could only survive through sitting in a vertical zazen position*... I had to sit accurate within a millimeter. The slightest deviation immediately brought me in acute danger of dissolving. Slowly, as the intensity of the terror increased, so my alertness strengthened. Spurred on by the agony of the terror, my awareness was forced to become as intense, timeless and limitless as the black Suchness around me. Consequently my awareness grew gradually and eventually became an ocean as well. From that moment on, the terror slowly weakened and finally disappeared. * Proof of the correctness of Zen-Philosophy. Upright body position proves to be crucial for optimizing awareness. Dawn arrived as I looked out of the window. For the first time I realized how long the ordeal had lasted. I also realized that this was the ultimate (spiritual) dying process. I had suffered The Great Darkness ("Death"). It is the underworld in which the hero descends in order to become reborn. Yes, it was really true, that I am a "son/lover" according to the archaic tradition*, and a "delog" (the ones who suffered "The Great Death") according to the Tibetans. The true meaning of the „resurrection" has been revealed to me. I was exhausted, but very calm and clear. I felt great benediction and I went out full of gratefulness and enjoyed the early brightness of that wonderful morning. As a Reborn I returned to the world. * Son/lover of the Great Mother of Sumer and Babylon, later followed by initiation rites of hellenistic religions. Subsequently reshaped by Christianity. ------------------- With simple fear this nothing has to do. Normal fear, as bad it may also be, is a condition of distress and anxiety. Not at that time. I became at night awake and noticed that I from one instant on the others in totally different condition was. I was sudden in the center of fear. Fear into, by and around me. A black ocean by fear in which I was taken up. A ekstatischer fright. Than one moment I felt in less like my body dissolved. That could be done race fast. The smell of the decomposition, the Gestank of putrid meat pulled through me. And in less then a fraction was up-eaten my body of worms. This pulled me through like lightning. Deeply in my body I felt ice-cold ele |
